Walking by the headstones in the graveyard with Rufus, Mateo says, “I hope reincarnation is real” (216). To the readers, he reflects, “I’m already finding that this one day to get everything right isn’t enough. This one life wasn’t enough” (216).
Adam Silvera’s book explores a question that I think everyone wonders about at least once in their lives: What if you knew when you would die? How would you spend your last day?
Full disclosure: As you may have guessed from the title, there are two main characters in this book, Mateo and Rufus, and they find out that they are going to die. They have 24 hours left to live.
I read the book, curious as to how the author would explore its premise. After finishing the novel, I am relieved that Silvera made Mateo and Rufus meet, albeit on the last day of their lives, and helped fulfill each other’s happiness on the day that, perhaps, mattered most. In the end, that’s the bottom line, isn’t it? You live life with the people you love, and your happiness derives from being happy with your loved ones. I mean, it’s not as simple as it sounds, but I think that is one of the universal ways of achieving a meaningful life.
If you knew you had 24 hours left to live, what would you do? Who would you see? Where would you go? Would you share the news with your loved ones?
There was one part of the book that left me feeling puzzled. See, Mateo lived most of his life inside his apartment (he confesses this earlier in the book), afraid of the possibility of death that he may or may not encounter if he were to step outside his door. He spent years that way, but during his last day, he finally decides to explore the world like he has never done before. The decision leads him to meet Rufus, and as I mentioned earlier, his one and final day with Rufus ends up becoming a big portion of his life.
In a way, Mateo’s last day on earth makes up for the days where he didn’t let himself live fully. To me, this has always been a conundrum: it baffles me how, no matter how hard you try, there is no right way to live life. There is a chance that I may be doing things completely wrong, or maybe completely correctly, and I can always do things differently. It’s like walking blindly in a dark room where I can’t see where I am going, how far I have walked, or how big the room is to begin with.
Mateo believes it is fate that brought him and Rufus together. He tells Rufus, “If you can believe in two afterlives, you can believe in the universe playing puppet master. Can’t you?” (222). Mateo’s words resonated with me because I also believe in fate. It may be my way of consoling myself when things don’t work out, but it also gets me going when things work out in ways that I never imagined.
Lidia, Mateo’s best friend, realizes that her best friend in the whole entire world is about to die. She asks him, “What am I going to do without you?” (322), and Mateo doesn’t know how to answer her. He reflects:
This loaded question is the reason I didn’t want anyone to know I was dying. There are questions I can’t answer. I cannot tell you how you will survive without me. I cannot tell you how to mourn me. I cannot convince you to not feel guilty if you forget the anniversary of my death, or if you realize days or weeks or months have gone by without thinking about me.
I just want you to live. (322-323)
Mateo’s reflection resonated with me because, really, what else could you want from the ones you are leaving behind? Those who are leaving do not want the ones left behind to completely pause their lives to mourn. Parents want their children to continue living their lives to be happy, for example. And the similar belief applies to other relationships, I think. We live from the love that connects us, and we want our loved ones to continue to be happy.
In the end, Mateo found his Rufus, and I hope I will too.
Thank you for reading.
Works Cited:
Silvera, Adam. They Both Die at the End. First paperback edition, 2018, Quill Tree Books, 2017.
MYMJ 